Poetry

The Change

What I wouldn’t give to be with you before
you changed. To enjoy the holidays together before
you changed. To make love with the passion we had before
you changed. To go outside and play like before
you changed. To sit at a bar and read together like before
you changed. Oh the love I felt for you before
you changed. So much so I couldn’t contain it all before
you changed. How was the sun so warm and the colors so bright before
you changed? How now the clouds are darker unlike before
you changed? The holidays are cold and lonely unlike before
you changed. Doubt and darkness has replaced the love that existed before
you changed. And though we hate it, we go our separate ways because, after all,
I’ve changed.

Personal

The Relationship I Never Thought I’d Have

I’m the type of person that never thought I would settle down with someone (and was perfectly happy about that). Still not sure I will. I’m too introverted and independent. And I’m happy alone, so long as I have friends and someone to fool around with. What more could I want?

Well, I found someone that I might be able to spend the rest of my life with. Maybe. Usually, I get tired of someone when spending too much time with them. For me, too much time can mean 2 or 3 days straight or even just a few hours every day. I need me time, and lots of it. Preferably 2-4 hours a day (at least). I get really irritated if I’m around the same person too much. A whole day can wear me out, even if we’re having fun the whole time.

Not this guy. We spent weekend after weekend together and a few evenings a week – enough time for me to get irritated and tired of hanging out with someone so much. But I didn’t. Even when he moved in like a month after we started dating (the situation called for it – it was either that or he was going to be sleeping in his truck, and I couldn’t allow that) I didn’t get tired of him. It was only supposed to be temporary, while he found a new place. But I liked having him around, so we made it permanent.

It’s been wonderful. Yes, sometimes I get irritated when I don’t get enough time alone at the apartment, and yes, there are bad times, but overall it’s been worth it. He shares in the household chores, including cooking and washing dishes, which has been a huge help. It means I get more free time to work on puzzles, knit, or read or write. In fact, I haven’t done laundry since he’s moved in. If you read my last post about eating healthy, you’ll know that, while I do all the meal planning, we split up food preparation/cooking and dish washing pretty evenly.

He helps lift my mood too. He can always make me smile or laugh, even when I’m trying to be upset at him. We’re constantly being silly/goofy together. Our idea of a good date is going to the bar during happy hour, getting a couple of frozen margaritas, and sitting outside sipping on the margaritas and reading our books. Jealous? Oh yeah. We also like to go hiking in the woods (okay it’s not so much a “hike” as a “leisurely walk”). Sometimes we’ll go to big events together like an arts festival or a geek convention. Luckily, he doesn’t have social anxiety like I do, and holding onto him helps calm me down in those crowded events (so does having a drink first, which I can do since he likes to be the driver – another nice perk).

In fact, my honest, biggest complaint is that we’re not good workout partners, which would have been so convenient if we were! I like to be upbeat and energetic during workouts and he just like to be quiet and concentrate. I get on his nerves by being so upbeat and he gets on my nerves by not talking or encouraging me (which to me is the whole point of having a workout partner). So, we stopped working out together, which means we basically stopped working out, though I’m trying to get back into it. He also doesn’t do very well at taking care of me when I’m depressed, but I don’t think that’s something someone can just jump in a do (especially if they don’t get depressed often enough to know how to be helpful), so that’s really on me for not talking to him about it more (but I will).

I still find myself often wondering if I really do want to be with him or be alone. Sometimes it feels like i’m on a see-saw. When we have a bad moment, I wonder if I’d be better off alone, and when we have good moments, I wonder what I’d do without him. I know, I’m a mess haha. And lately he’s been home a lot more, so I haven’t been getting enough time alone, which isn’t helping things.

Anyway, I didn’t write this to show off. I thought I was writing it to make some point about dating as an introvert, but that didn’t happen. I’m not sure why I wrote this, it’s just what I felt like writing about. I’m happy, and wanted to share. I found a person who I can stand to be around for long and frequent periods of time, which I didn’t think would ever happen. And although I wish he were a more compatible workout partner, and took better care of me when I go into a depression, and a few other minor things, we get along well, we help each other eat healthy and be careful with money, and we brighten each other’s day, so it’s worth fighting/being patient through those short bad times.

Do you see yourself settling down with someone one day? What are some traits in a relationship that are important to you? What do you look for in a partner? I’d love to hear [read] any thoughts, observations, ideas, personal stories, etc, that you’d like to share. 🙂